It's been over a month since I've posted and honestly I wouldn't be surprised if no one reads this anymore (there was only a handful to start with) but none-the-less I've finally come to update.
I'm still pregnant...15 weeks, 5 days to be exact. I had an appt a week and a half ago and we heard the heart beat for the first time which was very exciting. I honestly thought I was going to have a heart attack waiting for it, but lo and behold, there it was. This was the first appt I haven't had an u/s which was actually kind of nice. There's something strangely comforting about an appt so routine that you are back in your car while it's still warm!
My next appt is at the end of January and we will have the big anatomy u/s (or whatever it's called). I will be 18 1/2 weeks and while my Dr usually likes to wait until 20 weeks in order to get the best pics possible he said that due to my lack of fat (yes, hate me...I'm a skinny one! ;) ) we shouldn't have a problem seeing things and he wouldn't make me wait an extra 2 weeks...I really love that man!
I've started to feel the baby move on a regular basis and find it so reassuring. Before my last appt I was absolutely convinced that the baby was dead and had myself prepared for how my appt would go. I even told Dh not to look at or talk about my pregnant body because it reminded me of what wasn't going to be. Now I feel a little crazy for the way I was acting, but I really couldn't help it.
Anyways, I've been so slow to update this because I've been in this limbo of wanting so bad to just enjoy being pregnant and dealing with some major fears about it all. I also am finding it a bit disturbing at how the feelings from our SIF are still there. Sure, it's a little easier to hear other's pregnancy announcements, but there is still that familiar sting that accompanies them. I also am really struggling with feeling like people don't get that OUR pregnancy is somehow more special than there's...terrible, terrible, I know.
The good news is that for the first time since finding out I was pregnant I have started to actually think in terms of having an actual, real life baby in the near future. It has only happened in the last week or so, but I think I'm gradually warming up to the idea of it all. I still haven't bought or done a single thing to prepare for this baby, but have decided that after our u/s I will start acting like I'm really having a baby.
I guess that's all for now.
I'm still pregnant...15 weeks, 5 days to be exact. I had an appt a week and a half ago and we heard the heart beat for the first time which was very exciting. I honestly thought I was going to have a heart attack waiting for it, but lo and behold, there it was. This was the first appt I haven't had an u/s which was actually kind of nice. There's something strangely comforting about an appt so routine that you are back in your car while it's still warm!
My next appt is at the end of January and we will have the big anatomy u/s (or whatever it's called). I will be 18 1/2 weeks and while my Dr usually likes to wait until 20 weeks in order to get the best pics possible he said that due to my lack of fat (yes, hate me...I'm a skinny one! ;) ) we shouldn't have a problem seeing things and he wouldn't make me wait an extra 2 weeks...I really love that man!
I've started to feel the baby move on a regular basis and find it so reassuring. Before my last appt I was absolutely convinced that the baby was dead and had myself prepared for how my appt would go. I even told Dh not to look at or talk about my pregnant body because it reminded me of what wasn't going to be. Now I feel a little crazy for the way I was acting, but I really couldn't help it.
Anyways, I've been so slow to update this because I've been in this limbo of wanting so bad to just enjoy being pregnant and dealing with some major fears about it all. I also am finding it a bit disturbing at how the feelings from our SIF are still there. Sure, it's a little easier to hear other's pregnancy announcements, but there is still that familiar sting that accompanies them. I also am really struggling with feeling like people don't get that OUR pregnancy is somehow more special than there's...terrible, terrible, I know.
The good news is that for the first time since finding out I was pregnant I have started to actually think in terms of having an actual, real life baby in the near future. It has only happened in the last week or so, but I think I'm gradually warming up to the idea of it all. I still haven't bought or done a single thing to prepare for this baby, but have decided that after our u/s I will start acting like I'm really having a baby.
I guess that's all for now.
posted by Donielle... at 8:52 AM
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