So I'm somewhere in the middle of yet another cycle. I'm praying that I ovulate in the next couple days and that I have a good luteal phase this month. Of course I really hope I'm pregnant but am feeling a bit pessimistic right now. I have been feeling so good and positive about things for a while and for some reason I'm having a tough time this month. Honestly, I'm just tired of it all. I'm tired of the weekly acupuncture, tired of swallowing a hundred pills a day (okay, so it's not 100, but it sure feels like it), tired of not getting up to pee at 5:30 because I have to wait until 6:30 to take my temp, tired of *everyone* asking me how it's going, just plain tired of it all. I either want to be pregnant or I just want to forget about it...at least for a while. It absoultely breaks my heart to see Andy's face when I tell him of other preople pregnancy news. In the past week we've found out that 2 people close to us are having boys and each time I've told him he has such a look of sadness deep in his eyes. I recognize it not only because he is my husband, but because I know the pain. Amost daily I hear, "mommy, when are you going to have another baby?" "Mommy I want a brother or a sister. So and so has a brother or a sister, why don't I?" And then just yesterday we were sitting on the couch and she asked me when I was going to have another baby. I told her I didn't know and she said, "Daddy said that some mommy's can't have more babies." It was all I could do not to cry right there.

It's all just so hard and so sad sometimes.