CD 21. Still not sure if I've ovulated. If so, it was yesterday, much later than I had hoped. At my appt on Wed. Dr. F started me on thyroid. When she test my thyroid in January it was just on the edge of being considered hypothyroid, so she had me taking a thyroid supplement to support general thyroid health. She now thinks that my thyroid may be the reason that my body is having such a difficult time ovulating. I seem to go back and forth between "good" and "bad" cycles, with no real explanation. We'll see what comes of this...as much as I want to think this may work, I'm becoming more and more pessimistic as the months go by.

I was talking to a friend yesterday and she was asking me about how things were going. When I told her she reminded me of the time line I set for moving on to traditional treatments. It was October, 1 year after my m/c and almost 2 years of trying to have a baby. When I said that I NEVER thought it might actually arrive without me being pregnant. As I sit here today there are only 2 cycle between me and my original date of "moving on". It really scares me. I'm scared of fertility treatments and honestly, I'm pissed that I would have to even go there.

The big question for me...what is God's will for our life? Why could we conceive one child so easily and not another? I've always considering Bella an incredible blessing, but given our current circumstances, I'm just starting to realize what a TRUE miracle she was. When I look at her now I see what a good and perfect gift from God she is. Please don't think I'm suggesting that every child isn't a gift from God, it's just that in light of our current circumstances we are realizing just how blessed we were on that first day in December when I stared in disbelief at a positive pregnancy, and more importantly the day, almost 4 years ago when we first laid eyes on our beautiful baby girl.

I have prayed and prayed that God would reveal his will to us, especially in the times that I feel like giving up. For now the only answer I have come up with is to trust my husband and his strong desire to add another child to our family. Considering my strong and independat personality, this is not something that comes naturally, but I feel like in trusting Andy I am taking one more step towards aligning myself with God's will for my life and my marriage and that ultimately he will honor my committment to follwoing his design.

We will continue to pray, continue to hope, continue to wait...