Here I am in the middle of yet another cycle. I'm not sure what happend last month, but I was really let down when my period started. I'm trying to find the optimism I had no more than a month ago, but honestly I about as pessimistic as they come right now. I made the appt with the RE, but am not happy about it. Instead of focusing on that I'm trying to focus on the 2 cycles we have between now and my appt, but I'm not doing a very good job. I'm tired of everyone asking me if Bella is an only child. Today someone asked me and I felt myself flush while answering him. He was a stranger trying to be kind and had no idea of our struggles to have another child, yet as I said, "yes, she's our only one", I felt this emotion well up in me that I wasn't expecting. Afterwards, I felt ridiculous that I couldn't even answer his simple question without turning beat red. I just pray that he didn't notice.

My best friend is visiting with her newborn son. She found out she was pregnant 2 weeks before I did. We hadn't planned to be pregnant together in the least, but were thrilled to find out that we were expecting our 2nd babies together. Of course I miscarried shortly there after and she didn't. Seeing her little boy for the first time filled me with more emotions that I can describe. I fell in love with him the instant I saw him and at the same time felt my heart sink at the reminder of what could have been mine. Her baby lived and is a beautiful newborn. Mine died and is spending an enternity with our Heavenly Father. For that I am forever grateful, and knowing that we will one day be reunited gives me great peace, but while I'm here on earth my heart longs to know just who our 2nd child would have been.

Hubby is home, so I'll cut this short.