I feel broken. Why can't my body just work the way it's supposed to? Why do I have to be in pain? Why? Why? Why?
I'm on CD 19 today and still haven't ovulated. I am having a ton of pelvic pain and pressure and I just generally feel like crap. I don't think I've ever felt as poorly about my body and self in general as I do right now. I'm sick of the constant reminders. Sick of the pain. Sick of the horrible PMS. Sick of the excruciating periods. Sick of being sick, really.
After quite a bit of research I've decided to do a major revamp of my eating habits. I'm starting with a book called the Raw Food Detox Diet. I'm going to try my best to be reasonable about it so I can stick with it, but I just feel the need to try something because obviously "this" isn't working out too well for me.
I know I've only been on my supplements and doing Acupuncture for 2 weeks now, but I'm not seeing or feeling a whole lot of improvement. Sure the acupuncture is relaxing while I'm there, but as far as my cycles go and the general pain and PMS cycle I experience...it's just like it has been. Dr. F said we can start trying to conceive again after a month. That means I only have a few more days of protected sex and then we are back in the game. I'm excited but also a bit pessimistic. Will this stuff really work? Will I really start ovulating earlier in my cycle? Will the pain really get better? Will my estrogen levels drop? So many questions and unfortunately I'm not good at waiting. This has been one of the most difficult things I have gone through in my life. I know fertility issues affect people differently, but for me it's hit hard. I just want it to be over. I just want to go ONE day without thinking about it. If I'm being honest with myself I contribute to it some by doing stupid stuff like reading infertility blogs, Googling everything under the sun related to my "issues", and as embarrased as I am to admit it...doing really pathetic stuff like looking at maternity clothes on ebay. I really have to knock that crap off. All I'm doing is torturing myself.
I'm on CD 19 today and still haven't ovulated. I am having a ton of pelvic pain and pressure and I just generally feel like crap. I don't think I've ever felt as poorly about my body and self in general as I do right now. I'm sick of the constant reminders. Sick of the pain. Sick of the horrible PMS. Sick of the excruciating periods. Sick of being sick, really.
After quite a bit of research I've decided to do a major revamp of my eating habits. I'm starting with a book called the Raw Food Detox Diet. I'm going to try my best to be reasonable about it so I can stick with it, but I just feel the need to try something because obviously "this" isn't working out too well for me.
I know I've only been on my supplements and doing Acupuncture for 2 weeks now, but I'm not seeing or feeling a whole lot of improvement. Sure the acupuncture is relaxing while I'm there, but as far as my cycles go and the general pain and PMS cycle I experience...it's just like it has been. Dr. F said we can start trying to conceive again after a month. That means I only have a few more days of protected sex and then we are back in the game. I'm excited but also a bit pessimistic. Will this stuff really work? Will I really start ovulating earlier in my cycle? Will the pain really get better? Will my estrogen levels drop? So many questions and unfortunately I'm not good at waiting. This has been one of the most difficult things I have gone through in my life. I know fertility issues affect people differently, but for me it's hit hard. I just want it to be over. I just want to go ONE day without thinking about it. If I'm being honest with myself I contribute to it some by doing stupid stuff like reading infertility blogs, Googling everything under the sun related to my "issues", and as embarrased as I am to admit it...doing really pathetic stuff like looking at maternity clothes on ebay. I really have to knock that crap off. All I'm doing is torturing myself.
posted by Donielle... at 6:47 PM
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